Revelations

Well, so much for my blind unawareness of what I should choose as a professional goal this year.  I knew that I had an inkling that things were not quite right with my relationship with staff, but a conversation I had with C, echoed by later conversations with Ch and J, revealed that I have a significant trust deficit with staff.

Barry approached me with concerns about an action I had taken brought to him by staff, and he asked me why staff seemed to feel that they could not speak to me with their concerns.  I could not answer him, other than to say that I had felt something along those lines on a level I had not been able to verbalize for some time.

I met with C, Ch, and J.  Each pointed out detailed elements of the following staff grievances with me:

• I am perceived as very top-down
• The technology implementation for laptops was certainly a good example of this
• I have been perceived as being condescending with staff when I have spoken with them regarding.....well, regarding anything, apparently.
• My emails have been written with a dry sense of humor that has come across as caustic or mean-spirited.
• I often have to issue addendums to my emails, add exceptions, or retract them entirely.
• Overall, I am not seen as approachable.

Each person that I spoke with echoed these sentiments. C was very clear and at times blunt, which was welcoming.  J was also clear, but a bit gentler.  Overall, I sum this up with these takeaways:

• I need to wait to send out important emails until I have let them "sit" and reviewed them a couple of times. There are very few emails that are so time sensitive that I can't let them sit for a few hours.
• I need to work harder at leading through consensus. Top-down ideas and directives do not build trust. 
• I need to drop the Tonk-as-smiling-evil-dictator approach, because while my sense of humor might be appreciated by certain people who I know well, I cannot assume that all people share this or interpret it the way that I do.  Indeed, from what I have been told, I am often misunderstood and seen as mean-spirited. What worked in person in the classroom with a smile in the corner of my mouth is not working as a school leader.
• I need to get out into the building more.  I've allowed myself to step back and stop interacting with people as much, and I need to reacquaint myself with staff, and staff with me.

I'm going to let this sit for a while, too.  Something to definitely think about over break.  Unless I want any potential of real leadership to go down the drain, I'm going to have to really approach this with a growth mindset.